You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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