Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
