Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
