weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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