I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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