I wish my penis had an off switch
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
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