I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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