I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
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You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
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"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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