Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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