Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
