your parents love me but you hate me
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
