I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
