my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
