Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
