shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
