she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
