Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
