Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
