apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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