He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
