You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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