i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
