I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
