Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
