tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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