Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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