the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
