the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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