If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
