I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
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I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
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so much tequila, so little girl.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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