haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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