I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
