that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
