Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
