Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
