these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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