i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
