I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
