Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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