butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I will pee on everything he values.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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