That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
