I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
