We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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