If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
How does one acquire holy water?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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