Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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