i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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