why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
