MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
