My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
