i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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