She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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