So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
