You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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