my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
