Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
