I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
