I'm really into asian looking animals
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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