she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
