Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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