ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
