just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
and i looked up. we had an audience...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
