singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
