my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Randomize
