My Higher Power is John Stamos
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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