We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
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I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
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I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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