Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
