I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
