soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
