We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Two words: blizzard sex
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize