Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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