how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
your like the ambassador to my penis.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
