tell your sister to shave her snatch
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
