I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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