Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
