Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
