the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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