I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
