He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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